People should try hard to think of better conversation starters than pointing out someone’s weight.
Recently, I posted a photo on my Instagram account. It is a photo of myself in front of the stage where one of my favorite bands will be performing later that day the photo was taken. The post was a simple gratitude post for my experience, which I will cherish for a lifetime.
I don’t usually post a lot on my social media, but love using Instagram, although my account is kept hidden as I don’t put my name on it so no one will be able to find it unless people ask for my handle. My account was set to public then.
A day after I posted said photo, one of my high school classmates commented on my post. (You see, I don’t follow him, but I think he follows me and probably found my account when I cross-posted an Instagram photo on my Facebook feed a long-time ago.)
There are three things that can be deciphered from his short but sweet comment. He was in 1) surprise/shock that I gained weight 2) that he couldn’t help but point it out to me, and 3) he thought it was funny.
I’m sorry if I didn’t live up to your expectations of how I am supposed to look like years after graduating from high school.
That night, I didn’t have the energy to be friendly or polite. Heck, he does not deserve to be treated kindly. I could just shrug off his comment and laugh with him, but I don’t want to, because I, for the most part, do not deserve such comment left on my Instagram feed by someone who does not know me all too well. Yes, he was my classmate, but we were never friends. He has always been the irresponsible student who doesn’t treat his classmates well.
I know I should be the bigger person here. I’m trying to be. I didn’t respond to him even if I was furious and wanted to say bad things to him and insult him as well. I just decided to block him on both my Instagram and Facebook accounts.
I reached out to my closest friends and they told me not to waste my energy on him. More so, he doesn’t deserve a space in my head. They were right, I won’t let him and his comment get to me.
But letting go of something is always easier said than done. Just like that, the comment managed to make me feel bad about myself again. Just like that, I started seeking for people’s approval if they think I am “fat”. Just like that, I started to think that there is something wrong with gaining weight. Just like that, the frequent visits in front of the mirror, examining myself, thinking “I am ugly because some people laugh at my weight gain” began again.
I was very thin when I was in high school until college. When I started working, I started gaining weight. It may be because my metabolism is starting to slow down, which is always what happens when one’s getting old.
To be honest, I do not want to defend myself but I think I should; I have never felt as healthy before as I do now.
When I was younger, I consume a huge amount of sweets, specifically chocolates, every single day. I don’t like vegetables. I often eat in fast food restaurants. I stay awake until the wee hours of the morning. And the only exercise I have is PE.
Now, I made a conscious decision to jog on weekends. I’ve tried different exercises like yoga and spinning. I am more capable of saying no to sweets and especially to chocolates. I eat vegetables. I sometimes visit restaurants that serve organic foods – those that do not use preservatives, MSG, and only apply little to no salt, and I only seldom go to fast food restaurants. I don’t drink softdrinks. I’ve managed to stay away from ice cream. I eat chicken and fish and only on certain occasions do I eat pork and beef (but this is really really seldom). And I try my best to get as much sleep as I can.
You see, I am trying my best to stay healthy.
I know I can never go back to my “thin” years in high school. Maybe this is my body type. Maybe I am meant to be “fat.” But what is “fat” anyway? Who invented that word? Why do we have to label each other such, and place negative connotations on some labels? Why can’t we just all let each other be?
I do understand that there are people who may be insensitive, but do we just accept them as they are? How do we do that if they don’t even allow us to be happy with who we are? I just hope more people would become more tactful of their words. People should know when to speak their minds and when to just keep their opinions to themselves.
There’s already so much hate going on around the world. Don’t let people hate. And most importantly, don’t let people hate on themselves. The least we can do is love each other and help each other learn to love themselves.
In case you are wondering, here’s my photo: